ESL The Coming of the Bull(The show cuts to the back where Tim Ross is standing with a confident, English gentleman.)
Tim Ross: Howdy folks! Tim Ross here. With me today is a man by the name of Sir Nigel Swift. Sir Swift, recently, astute fans might point out that you were most recently seen in the Mid Atlantic, so what brings you to the ESL? Swift: (laughs.) Competition, my dear boy. I’m a manager of champions, a captain who can lead just about anyone to greatness under my tutelage, but, my dear boy, I’m not, by any means, a loser. A man of royal upbringing demands only the best and finest, and even a backwoods knave, the kind of which I must say are quite plentiful in the audience,(boos.) would see that the Mid Atlantic, while a league that had its day, is clearly no longer the premier wrestling company among you continentals. ESL, however, certainly seems to be the kind of federation that could use a fine, English gentleman such as myself. Tim Ross: Does that mean we might see the likes of William Ramsey or Sung-II in ESL? Swift: Oh, my dear boy, I’m just getting started. Alas, Mr. Ramsey and Mr. Sung-II soured on you continentals ages ago, thanks to the buffoonery of sticking a fine manager such as much and two fine wrestlers such as them in the Tag Team division, which was an insult to gentlemen such as. A real Englishman would have nothing to do with something so continental as Tag Team Wrestling. It was invented in a bloody prison colony for goodness sake! How common! No matter. My time in the Mid Atlantic was a revelation. I discovered that you foolish continentals have no respect for good, technical wrestling, as brought on by us Brits. No, you want something with an a harder edge, something violent, and disgustingly bloody, which is why I searched the world over for my latest charge to find the perfect man to show this pathetic country the kind of brutality it is sorely lacking. Let me tell you a little story. One my quest to find the wrestler, I was searching the world over, I went to Botswana, the Congo, Ghana, South America, Asia, and all around the US, but could find nothing that really whet my appetite. That’s when I talked to a dear mate of mine who told me the tale of Wild Bull Toro. He was a man who traveled around the States a few years ago, but was known for being so violent, so devil may care, that most people just couldn’t stomach him. He never cared much for winning so much as hurting people. He would get disqualified, counted out, he would attack officials, and anybody who got in his way. Now, my dear boy, Americans couldn’t figure him out. He didn’t care about titles, and, as you well know that gold plated piece of tin is all something of his mere continentals concern themselves over. It didn’t take long to make me realize that I had my wrestler. The only problem was that Mr. Toro had run into a little problem while in Lebanon and was imprisoned there. I guess he’s just as wild outside the ring than inside it. I traveled to Lebanon to see if a man of my grand riches can help out such a poor soul, but, Mr. Ross, I soon discovered that I wasn’t helping Mr. Toro out of his problem in Lebanon so much as I was helping Lebanon out of their problem with Toro. He was a Wildman, Mr. Ross. He thoroughly thrashed other prisoners, guards, and whoever was fool enough to be in the same cell with him, and, now, Mr. Ross, I will unleash him, this Wildman, onto the ESL, so ESL, I give you the most fair offer, when Wild Bull Toro comes in, you can expect the thrashing of your life, but I’m a fair man, Mr. Ross, so I will gladly so if there be any man smart enough to want to get out of town, I will gladly imburse anyone who is smart enough to get on the next flight out of town, instead of staying around and having to deal with this Wildman in that ring. For those fool enough to stay, I give you fair warning to update your insurance policies, go see a solicitor and make sure your affairs are in order because when you step into that ring with Mr. Toro, you will be in for quite a thrashing, and I assure you the only way you will leave that ring is on a stretcher. You have been warned. (Swift exits, laughing.) Ross: Big words from Sir Swift. I don’t know much about this Wild Bull Toro, but he sounds like an animal! Some wrestlers here in the ESL might do well to take Swift’s advice! Jesse, back to you! |