GCW in BrazilDark matches:
The Knaves defeated local team Falcao + Tiagua in 15:02 when Bishop pinned Tiagua with the hold of the tights! Jaguara defeated Aviadora when Aviadora surrendered after being body slammed onto a crab. This was a wild match that went all around the beach before Jaguara finally took home the victory, thanks to a little help from a crab. Fireworks explode, as the camera pans around the beach. It’s a beautiful day in Rio De Janeiro, as there isn’t even a cloud in the sky. The sun is shining brightly, as the beautiful people are walking on the beach in Rio. The ring is set up especially on the beach, with sand serving as the outside floor of the ring. The scantily dressed beach going crowd is sitting on beach towels around ringside, cheering their hearts out as they hope to get on TV. The shot goes down to Walter Laurence and Tia Vega, who are hanging out on their own beach towel around ringside. Walter is wearing some ridiculous looking sunglasses and a colorful shirt, while Tia is in a tank top and shorts. Walter: Hello and welcome to GCW IN RIO DE JANEIRO! (more cheering.) Tonight, we have an action packed show for you fans! And I have to really hand it to Sebastien Lannes for pulling off this coup. He was on vacation, didn’t want to return, so he brought GCW to the beach! Tia: Oh, I know! It’s sure better than Kansas, that’s for sure. Walter: You can say that again. And the best part? Free sunglasses! Man, these look cool, huh? Tia: Yeah. If you’re 40...and white. Walter: Hey, Sebastien made sure that everyone has sunglasses tonight. He really cares about the eye protection of everyone involved in GCW! Anyway, we need to get to the ring, as our beloved Director of Personnel takes us to the ring! The shot goes to the ring as some cool rock music blares throughout the arena. The crowd begins going nuts, as Mike Pizzazz begins his ascent out to the ring. He stops and acknowledges a few of the fans, even stopping to sign a few autographs on the way. He slides into the ring and grabs a microphone. He talks about some stuff. He plays to the crowd for awhile, making various sexual innuendos involving Chloe Madison before getting to why he’s out here. He talks about being named the Number One Contender for the GCW Title, and how he has been called to the ring by the Director of Personnel for a special announcement by the Director of Personnel. He’s here, so where’s Lannes? Seconds later, Sebastien Lannes comes out to the ring, accompanied by some classical music. He comes out to the ring, and Pizzazz wastes no time. Pizzazz: Why am I here, Lannes? Lannes: Well, you see, I have been doing a lot of thinking on my vacation. I watched the GCW PPV the other day. Sure, it may have been a few days after it happened, and after several drinks, but I saw it. I came to an interesting conclusion upon watching the PPV. Blue Tornado got screwed against Nera! Pizzazz: Hey, man! I like Blue Tornado as much as the next guy, but what does this have to do with me? Lannes: I noticed that Chloe Madison got off a bit easy on the PPV. Now, I am not one to give preferential treatment to anyone in this league. And, hey, we’re in Rio. It’s sunny, it’s beautiful, bikini clad hotties are everywhere, and I want to do something special tonight for the Main Event. That’s why, tonight, in Rio De Janeiro. It’s going to be Nera putting up his title against…well…MIKE PIZZAZZ! (The crowd explodes, as even Mike Pizzazz looks a little giddy. The moment is short lived, however, as an angry Chloe Madison, in bikini and sarong, storms out to the ring.) Chloe: YOU CAN’T DO THIS, LANNES! Lannes: Chloe…Chloe…Chloe…I just did. Chloe: THIS ISN’T FAIR! NERA WON THAT MATCH FAIR AND SQUARE! This is MY title! MY fashion accessory! And I, and only I, will decide who gets the shot at the title, and that does NOT include Mike Pizzazz! Pizzazz: Hey, I know you want me, sweet cheeks. Don’t worry, though, when I take the title, I’ll let you hang out with it and me on the beach. You can rub suntan oil in on my hot body, as you daydream about us and sex on the beach. Maybe some paparazzi will be around to photograph you with Mike Pizzazz! You know you want it, baby! Chloe: Oh, as if! (to Lannes.) And another thing, you ruined my vacation! I came here to work hard on my suntan on the beach, not wrestle for GCW! Pizzazz: Hey, Lannes. I have a request. Lannes: What’s that? Pizzazz: I want protection. Now, I saw that Tornado match much as you did. I saw a bunch of guys run in to the match. I tried to help stop them, then Mastadon runs in and ruins it! That ain’t right! That ain’t how a GCW Title match should go. Lannes: I was thinking this, too. In fact, I took the liberty of getting an enforcer for tonight’s match. Chloe: WHAT? THIS ISN’T FAIR! IT’S MY..err…Nera’s right to use the DQ rule whenever he likes! It’s the privilege of being the champion. Lannes: Oh, of course. But you see, I had this big debut all set for tonight, and it would a pity to waste it. So, that’s why I am going to introduce everyone to the enforcer…. (The crowd looks to the aisle, while some generic rock music blares up, and…Hotstuff Chris Schmitt comes out to the ring! The crowd goes wild on instinct as Kansas’ own looks determined.) Walter: Hotstuff? Well, that’s out of left field. What was Lannes thinking? Tia: Hey! Don’t hate on Hotstuff. I can think of a few people I would rather it not be than Hotstuff. Besides, I think he’s kinda cute. Walter: I don’t know. Even Lannes looks confused by this choice. I think something’s rotten in Denmark. Tia: Or Brazil, even! Lannes: What the hell are you doing here, Hotstuff? Schmitt: Lannes, I have a bone to pick with you. Kansas… (Before Schmitt can utter another syllable, Clint Eastwood by Gorillaz kicks up, and the crowd goes euphoric. Laurence: OH MY GOD! IS IT REALLY HIM? Tia: OH NO! PLEASE NO! IT CAN’T BE! Laurence: IT IS! (The camera shot pans to the aisle, where “Mr. Attitude” Jeremy Nace is standing. The crowd is going absolutely crazy.) Walter: We haven’t seen Mr. Attitude since STW closed down! Now, he’s back…and in GCW?!? (Nace enters the ring and looks around. Chloe and Hotstuff are fuming. Pizzazz is looking happy, while the crowd has formed a wall of sunglass clad faces! Nace goes in his pocket, pulls out a pair of shades, puts them on and smiles.) Nace: Sup bros? The crowd goes nuts! Crowd: Nace! Nace! Nace! Hotstuff: This can’t stand! You can’t interrupt me. I was just saying… Nace: Whoa, whoa, whoa! It’s time to hit the bricks, bro. The Nace is talking. Hotstuff is angered at that comment, and starts mouthing off to Nace. Nace: Hey. It’s not my fault that no one outside of Kansas wants to see your ass in this ring, bro. Hotstuff decides to walk away, telling off Nace at every opportunity. Nace: Yeah. Fuck you, too, bro! Now, bros, about the match tonight. I don’t want any funny stuff, bro. I am here for a good clean match tonight. Oh, and Chloe, I saw the sex tape, and, let me tell you, if you want ever want to eat a dick like that again, bro, just call on the Nace. I’ll be ready and waiting. (Chloe is appalled.) I wear a size 22 shoe, you know? (Chloe storms off.) thanks for letting me into GCW, Lannes. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be on commentary. (An audible “NO!” is let out from the announce uh…towel as Nace’s music kicks up and we go to commercial.) (Rock music is playing in the background, while the scene cuts to the announcers.) Walter: Welcome back to GCW in Brazil! And let’s welcome the newest member of the broadcast team…Mr. Attitude! Attitude: Sup bro? It’s good to be back in the announcing booth. The league is different, but not much has changed. Some generic guy sitting next to me on one side, some hot Latina sitting on the other. It’s like STW all over again, bro. Walter: Just without the massive budget. This is GCW. We gotta cut corners. Anyway, let’s get to the action, as the Axeman is taking on John Atlas in the opener! Axeman vs. John Atlas Walter: As these two lock up, what say you, Nace? Nace: I say that this is going to be a pretty interesting encounter, bro. Some might think I might look at a match like this and see two jobbers going at it, and change the channel, but that’s not the case, bro. I am very familiar with the undercard… Tia: You certainly spent enough time there. Nace: Hey, I’m a former HBW Champion, the last one in fact, bro. Lucien Champion never won the HBW title. And back to my point, bro. These two guys never really win all that much, so it’s kind of interesting.. These two are fighting tooth and nail to get the victory here, to hopefully start themselves off on a new leaf here. Maybe pick up a win and see where it goes. They may be under carders, but they will fight with all they have to prove to the big wigs that they have what it takes to move up the card in GCW. Walter: Weak forearms by Atlas. The Axeman is backing off into the corner. Tia: Who do you fancy in this match, Nace? Nace: Well, at the moment, I am fancing the chick in the flower print bikini in the front row, bro. She’s got a hot pair of tits, a nice ass. She has all the assets to go the distance, bro. Walter: Clothesline by the Axeman! He took him down! Atlas is back up, and now they are pounding on each other. Nace: Shake it over here, bro. Screw your boyfriend! Tia: Is it a bad time to mention that the winner of this match is receiving a very special prize…if you can call it that. Walter: Ah, yes. The winner here is getting the chance to face GCW’s newest signing, a man only know by the name Joaquin in what will be Joaquin‘s GCW debut. He’s a luchadore that GCW signed over the weekend… Tia: He’s not just any luchadore. He’s the king of Mexican wrestling! He’s been a phenom so far for MLW, amazing audiences with his amazing charisma, and fantastic flying moves! He’s like Mike Pizzazz X 10! This…this is the signing that will turn out GCW! This is a man who may very well break Kabuki Dragon’s GCW title record…that is, of course, if he ever loses the title. Walter: I don’t disagree with you. Joaquin is viewed as a landmark signing for GCW, and a signing that will put GCW on the map, and give them a chance to compete with MLW. Just the mere mention of his name is getting the fans here in Brazil excited. (The crowd cheers wildly.) It will be a big event, and it will be a great honor for either of this guys in the ring here to get a chance to be in the ring with such a legend of this business! Tia: They can be the answer to a trivia question some day! Walter: Speaking of which, big boot by the Axeman. He gets the cover, 1.……2.……3! And he takes the victory here! A nice little victory for the veteran. Tia: And, next up, he faces Joaquin. I’m giddy just thinking about it. This could be the biggest match of the Axeman’s career! Latino fans from all over the US will be watching just to see the man who taken on near godlike status in their home country! This match will be HUGE! (In the “locker room” which is really just another end of the beach with some fake scenery put up to look like lockers, Outback Bob is talking to Nico Buchanan.) Nico: Hey, man! Nice, new boots! Outback: Thank you. That bloody bodger Loki Dragon bought em for me after I beat em like ‘roo in the bush! Nico: Good, man. You don’t have to take any one chundering on your boots. Outback: Bloody right, mate! I’ll give a right beating to anyone who chunders on these boots. I ain’t one to discriminate, mate. (Just then, a mysterious well-dressed man walks into Sebastien Lannes’ office. He steps in and sees Lannes, in Hawaiian shirt, discussing “serious matters” with his bikini clad, temporary secretary Adriana.) Man: Good day, sir! Lannes: Um…hi. What’s up? Man: My name is Colin Markham, professional wrestler and practitioner of the old school spirit. I have a grievous matter to discuss with you. Lannes: Sure, what’s on your mind? Colin: I am currently on a journey to discover a league who could the services of a man like me. I was partaking in your television program a fortnight ago, and I observed plenty of sexual innuendo and women of ill repute, but I couldn’t help but notice the lack of the old school spirit Lannes: I see. Colin: Where were the suplexes? Where were the real man duking it out for the chance to become a champion? I came to see one man give another the what for. I have a question for, sir. Is the old school spirit dead? I am not one who against a little tomfoolery in my pugilistic arts, but I have to question the lack of spirited fisticuffs that occur in your arena. I implore you, sir, to allow me, a practitioner of the old school, to right this injustice with haste! Adriana: (confused.) What did he say? Lannes: I believe he wants to see more uh…wrestling on GCW. Colin: Precisely, old bean! Where’s the fisticuffery? Am I the only man who wants to see a fine donnybrook between two fancy grapplers? Lannes: Look, we’ll hire you. We can do with more…uh…old school spirit in this federation. Welcome to GCW! Colin: Thank you. You shan’t regret this! (leaves.) Lannes: (shakes head.) Where do they find these people? (In another part of the arena, Ron Chafford is with a bikini clad Josie Fox. She’s busy stretching for her coming match with Peach Dragon. She’s looks concerned.) Josie: Ron, I am worried. I can’t beat Peach Dragon. Ron: That’s not the way to look at it. Besides, you made great strides this week in our training! Josie: I learned how to hit a clothesline. Ron: You see! You know more this week than you do last week! There’s nothing to worry about. You have me as a manager. I won’t let you lose. Josie: I just don’t see it. Peach is a world class wrestler. I am just some announcer. I can’t beat her! Ron: You beat Jaguara, didn’t you? Josie: But that was a fluke! Who would have ever guessed that she would have KO’ed herself on that ring post! Ron: There’s no such things as flukes! You can’t lose this match because you have me in your corner. Wrestling’s like any sport. It’s not who is the biggest or strongest or most talented. It’s all about who has the better strategy, and I have one that will get you through this match. I guarantee it! Josie: Okay…if you say so… (commercial.) Josie Fox vs. Peach Dragon Both competitors make their way to the ring as Ron Chafford grabs the microphone from the ring announcer. Ron: I would like announce a stipulation to this match. I have thoroughly reviewed the rules and stipulations for South American professional wrestling. I reviewed and reviewed, and, on page 1,214, paragraph, 3, line 22, I discovered an archaic rule which states that, in the best interest of the crowd, the champion or champions in a match held in an outdoor arena in South America get the choice as to the kind of gimmick match they prefer, unless overruled by the governing body of their federation. It dates back to the 1930s, and was used, with great effect, by Antonio Rocca, among others, but it was a rule that had fallen into disuse in recent times, but, one call to the South American wrestling commission has confirmed that the rule is, in fact, still in place. Thus, as manager of the champion, I now declare this match to be…FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE ON THE BEACH! Walter: What?!? What is this madness from Chafford? Tia: Josie looks kind of stunned, as Peach Dragon is blowing it off. The fans are excited, though. I can’t see what Ron’s going for, though. Wouldn’t such a match favor Peach Dragon, in theory? Walter: One would think. I have to question Ron’s logic here. He’s a pretty smart guy, who knows more about wrestling rules and regulations than anyone, and he’s in a tough spot. Is this really the best to come up with? Tia: Well, Josie doesn’t know how to wrestle. Ron is trying to do what he can to help her win, but I don’t see it. Couldn’t he have come up with some obscure rule involving not defending the title or something to buy him another week of practice? Walter: The bell rings and here we go. The two women match up, as Ron is telling Josie to hightail it out of here! Tia: Come on, Ron! It’s no count out! Walter: Nace, you seem uncharacteristically quiet about this. What’s your take? Nace: I am just watching the match, bro. I trust Chafford’s logic here. This kind of match represents the best possible chance Josie has to win this match. I know Ron very well, bro. He is a tireless worker on these kinds of things, and I know that he has considered and reconsidered every possible outcome and has determined that this won gives Josie the best possible chance for victory. Walter: But how? Nace: Just look at the verbiage, bro. He never said falls count inside the ring. Walter: And Josie Fox is out of the ring. She asked Ron what to do, and he tells her to run, run, run! Who does he think she is, Kalib Starns? Tia: Peach Dragon is in pursuit. Josie is hightailing it out of here! Walter: You know, I just kind of noticed that Josie is running faster than Peach Dragon. That can’t be right. Peach is much better shape. Ron is telling Josie to stop at a certain spot on the beach. Tia: That seems like no real spot to wrestle. It’s in full sun! Walter: Josie is yelling at Ron wondering what the heck he is thinking. He is trying to tell her to stay calm, and cool. Peach is having an extraordinarily hard time getting over there. Josie charges her…drop kick! Tia: First move of the match! Walter: Josie covers, 1.….2.…no! Peach pushes her off. Tia: This is all well and good, but I just don’t see how Josie will be able to keep up this charade long enough to get the win. Nace: Time is on her side, bro. Ron has planned out this match perfectly. He has helped to neutralize Peach’s main strength, and has manipulated her main weakness. Tia: And what would that be, “bro?” Nace: Peach is the type of wrestler who is built more towards speed and aerial maneuvers. By taking the match away from the ring, Ron has made sure that she can’t do any of that. Instead, she has to rely on her weak wrestling game to get her through this match. She is a better wrestler than Josie, but it’s not her strength. She hasn’t developed an advanced arsenal of technical wrestling maneuvers, and now has to rely on what little she has in that arsenal to beat Fox. The plan is much more than advanced that, bro. He’s also taking advantage of having a wrestler wrestling in a white bikini versus a wrestler who is wearing a full black leather outfit with wrestling boots in full sun on the beach, bro. Not only is running in sand twice as hard for Peach, but her outfit means that she is magnet for the suns the rays. It’s already pretty hot out here as it is, with temperatures in 80s. In that wrestling outfit, in that area, it’s going to be unbearable for Peach Dragon. Tia: Who would have ever thought we would get hard hitting, in depth wrestling analysis from Jeremy fuckin Nace. Nace: STW didn’t hire me just for my good looks, you know, but they certainly helped, bro. Tia: Oh brother! Walter: The two women locks up, as Josie slips under Peach, and runs a bit. Peach turns around, and trips in the sand. Tia: Josie is being the agent provocateur here, and is kicking sand in the face of her fallen opponent. Walter: Peach is slow to her feet, and Josie nails a rolling spin kick. This hasn’t made for the best technical match, but I have to doff my cap Ron’s way, as this has worked well so far. Peach is looking sweaty and winded already. Tia: Normally, I’d say that the advantage would be nullified if peach just stripped down, but, looking at her outfit, I’m not sure she would be able to do that…unless she wanted to go naked. Nace: I, for one, wouldn’t complain, bro. You’re already getting the little Nace excited. (puts a pair of sunglasses on his crotch.) Tia: Why me? Laurence: Um…meanwhile, Josie is taking a short dip in the ocean to cool off. Nace: Damn right, bro! Now, this is the kind of wrestling I want to see! Laurence: Peach gives chase again, but Josie just trips her, causing her to fall hard. (Peach Dragon screams in pain.) Tia: That didn’t look right. Laurence: She fell hard, and hit her head on the hard sand on the beach, and it appears that she has cut her arm on a seashell or something littering the beach sand. Fox picks her up, and just body slams her down into the water. Tia: Now that’s putting salt in your wounds! It looks like Peach is bleeding slightly from her arm. She is looking winded and wet out there. I hope she’s wearing sun block! And I hope it’s waterproof! Laurence: I don’t think she was anticipating this kind of wrestling tonight. She grabs Josie, and takes her down into the water. These two women are now brawling it out in the Atlantic Ocean! Nace: Do falls count here, bro? Tia: I don’t think. Beach only! Laurence: Monkey flip by Josie. Peach makes an audible splash when she hits ocean. Tia: Josie readies herself….and a spear into the Atlantic! Laurence: The referee is over there, not sure what to do. Now, we’re getting to the nitty gritty of this match! Nace: Take those tops off, bro! The little Nace is standing at attention! Tia: Peach appears to be panicking in the water. I don’t think she can swim! Laurence: Josie grabs her, and suplexes her down on the sand! (Peach is holding her back, screaming.) Laurence: Apparently, she’s been stung or something by some washed up creature on the beach. Tia: Speaking of things that are washed up, is that the Mighty Hitman I see in the distance? Nace: I heard he tried to sign with GCW, and he was told “No way, bro!” And GCW doesn’t reject anybody. Laurence: This is not looking good for Peach Dragon. She came into this match looking like the heavy favorite, and now it’s like Josie has full control. Fox covers, 1.…..2...AND A WAVE BREAKS UP THE PINFALL! Tia: I haven’t seen that before. Laurence: Peach is wet, hot, scared, injured, bleeding. This is not the right mindset to be in during a title match! Laurence: Josie grabs Peach Dragon by the legs…CATAPULT! Tia: INTO A WAVE! Laurence: She just wiped out! Tia: Peach Dragon is in the water holding her face. She took a lot of impact from that incoming wave. Laurence: Josie picks her up…DDT on the sand. She covers, 1.………2.….3! And Josie retains again! Ron has come over, and hands her the title. They’re celebrating her unlikely victory. Josie can’t believe it! Tia: Meanwhile, some medics have come to the assistance of Peach Dragon with some water and various salves to help her ailments. She looks terrible. Laurence: She should be okay, but she has to be frustrated about losing this one. She had the perfect chance to win the title before Ron Chafford’s planning yanked it away from her. She looks like she has just gone 60 minutes. That’s what the beach and this weather will do to you. (The show goes back to the beach, as Abraham is shooting the Schmitt with Renee Olivier and Locault when Rocko Muscles walks by.) Rocko: Sup my brothers? Olivier: We’re here trying to convince my friend her to get over his ex-boyfriend. Rocko: What? (looks at Locault.) You an ass rammer? Locault: Hey, man, I’m just making a cameo. He’s the guy you want to talk to… Rocko: Hey, man. It’s coo’. Ain’t nothing wrong with looking for love in the arms of another dude. Hey, you would never see Rocko Muscles riding the Hershey highway, but, if you choose to live like that. I won’t condemn ya. Now, ya see, maybe I can help. The chicks are usually all over da Rocko. I have to beat em off sometimes, and they get all sad and shit cuz Rocko Muscles don’t want to be fuckin em no more. I just tell em “hey, man. There’s tons of dudes out here who might want ya skanky ass. They ain’t Rocko Muscles, but who is? Just find one of dem dudes, and make yaself happy. Ya dig? Abraham: I don’t know. Pony was first real love. I can’t believe he left me to become a pirate! Rocko: Hey man! Ain’t nothing wrong with da pirating life! I ain’t one to condone pirate, but it is what it is. Maybe if Rocko was alive during the 16th century, Rock would have been a pirate. I’d be a reckless buccaneer! (looks at Locault.) Hey, man. You ain’t doing shit. Why the fuck you here? Rocko needs an opponent for tonight, and, guess what, you’re it, bitch! Locault: But…. Rocko: Ain’t no buts here. Get in yo gear, and get in that ring. Rocko wants to wrassle ya! (Rocko walks away.) Locault: I…uh…er…Oh man! (Locault runs off in a huff.) Mastadon vs. Crash Smith This was Mastadon’s big debut in the new GCW! It was Crash Smith’s less illustrious debut as well. Unfortunately for Crash, he gets to debut against the hulking Mastadon. The good news is that Crash gets to live up to his nickname “The Human Pinball” as he spent the evening being tossed around the ring by Mastadon. Chloe Madison was on the outside of the ring, looking very impressed by her newest acquisition. The merciful finish came at 3:04 when Mastadon planted him with a power bomb for the victory. In the back, Sebastien Lannes is “filing” with Adrianna when Blue Tornado walks into his office. Tornado: Hey there! Lannes: Ah, welcome! Welcome! Adrianna were just doing some um…filing. That’s right! Tornado: Of course you are. Lannes: So, what’s on your mind? Tornado: I have a slight problem. I was screwed by Chloe Madison on Too Hot To Handle, and, to be quite frank, I want revenge! I want to face Mastadon in a match next week! I want to get my hands on him for what he did to me on the PPV! Lannes: Yeah, sure, whatever you like! Tornado: And, tonight, I want a match with Chloe Madison! (the crowd pops.) Lannes: Hey now! That wouldn’t be very fair! Tornado: I don’t care! I keep hearing Chloe Madison run off her mouth each week, and I want to be the man who shuts it! (The crowd cheers.) (Before Lannes can respond, Chloe Madison rushes into the room.) Chloe: Excuse me! Did I just hear that you are forcing me to wrestle tonight? This…this is not fair! My uncle would never approve of this action! It’s a mismatch! Lannes: Well, I have been trying to be reasonable, but how did you figure out what is going on here? Chloe: Oh, that’s why I have hired Chainz, you see. He’s a perfect little mole! Lannes: This gives me an idea. Lets have you and Chainz face Blue Tornado and a female partner of his cho… (Before he can finish, Alyssa, wearing only a beach towel, rushes into his office.) Alyssa: Excuse me, I was nude sunbathing on the beach, and I heard someone is in need of a female tag partner! I have my gear in my locker! I know I wasn’t wearing, but I brought it for just such an occasion. Lannes: (eyeing Alyssa leeringly.) Uh…well…yeah. Chloe/Chainz vs. Tornado/Alyssa tonight! Let’s get back to the ring! GCW Tag Team Championship: Nico Buchanan + "Endgame" Duncan Kane © (with Emma Divine) vs. the Flying Dragons The second championship match of the evening. This was a hot match that went for about 15 minutes in length. In the middle of the match, the match was temporarily suspended when a bunch of nature enthusiaists asked the four men in the ring help a beached whale back into the water. To their embarrassment, it wasn't a beached whale, but was a sunbathing Lethal Lisa! The Dragons used their aerial advantage to confuse Buchanan and Kane in the opening minutes of the match before the GCW Tag Champions caught Red Dragon and took to working on their lighter opponents. The end came after White Dragon went into the ring and begin unloading on his opponents. Emma Divine tried to interfere, but White went after her. This allowed just enough for Nico to come up from behind and hit White with the full nelson slam to retain the GCW Tag belts. Post match, the Serpentors ran out and brawled with the champions! They cleared the ring, and said that, next week, they’re going for the belts! Rocko Muscles vs. Locault Another quick squash as Muscle lays waste to his overmatched opponent in less than a minute with the Muscle Buster. The crowd was said to be impressed with Muscles. In the back, Outback Bob is talking to John Atlas. Outback: And she was a bloody crow eater! What kind of mongrel did I just have a naught with?! Atlas: (laughs.) Hey man! Nice boots! Looking sharp. Outback: Thanks, mate. I got them from… (Before he can say anything more, some drunk Brazilian girl saunters her into the locker room. She takes one look at Outback Bob, and proceeds to puke all over his new boots!) Outback: You bloody bitzer! You just chundered all over my boots! Girl: Excuse me. I don’t take well to threats, sir! When my boyfriend gets in here, he’ll show you! He never lets anyone threaten me! Outback: Oh, really, mate? I would like to meet this mate of yours and give him what coming to him. (Just then, Abraham walks by.) Abraham: Oh, man! It smells like shit in here! Girl: Boyfriend! Abraham: Oh no! Outback: You bloody dill! Your girlfriend just chundered all over my boots! Abraham: Um…she’s not my girlfriend! I’m gay! Girl: Oh, come off it, Abraham! Stop pretending you’re gay! You promised to marry me! Outback: Bloody fairy! Won’t even stick up for his girl! Abraham: Hey man! I’m sorry, and everything. (takes out some money.) Here. This should buy you a nice new pair! Outback: Bloomin’ coward! I will show you respect! You’re very me tonight, mate! (The girl passes out.) Abraham: (trying to pick up the girl.) Oh, dammit! Why does this stuff always happen to me? In another end of the area, Ron Chafford is walking on the beach when GCW’s two newest Brazilian acquisitions, the Samba Girls, come up to Ron. Gianna: Excuse us, but are you…Ron Chafford? Ron: Excuse me. (turns around, and pumps his fist.) Yes! Jacinda: We’ll two new girls here in GCW, and we want you to manage us. Gianna: We don’t know how to wrestle. Ron: Well, that hasn’t stopped anyone before. Jacinda: And we don’t like to wear clothes. Is that a problem? Ron: Excuse me, again. (turns around.) Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Gianna: Yeah. We find it better to train au naturel. Jacinda: It’s what God intended, but we don’t think it will be popular in your wrestling league. Ron: Oh! It will go over with some people, I’m sure. Jacinda: We were hoping you could help us be wrestlers. Ron: Oh, anything you want girls. I will be glad to help! Jacinda: (grabs Ron’s arm.) Oh, Ron Chafford! You’re the best! (Both girls kiss him on the cheek in excitement.) Gianna: I’m sorry. It’s what we do when we’re excited! We hope you don’t mind. Ron: Oh, no. Not at all. Let’s go over a few gameplans…yeah… Renee Olivier vs. Pirate Eliza This was bill as the “war to settle the score.” These two girls went right at it swash buckling from the start. The Brazilian crowd was into the match, singing songs, blowing whistles, and banging drums throughout the match giving it one heck of an atmosphere. Sadly, the match was short lived as the Samba Girls ran out to the ring and attacked Eliza and Renee. The Samba Girls got a huge reaction from the hometown fans. Sadly, they weren’t naked. They didn’t do any wrestling moves, but, instead did a serious of well-coordinated sequences involving their legs. They laid out the duo, and left the ring to the cheers of the hometown crowd. (Lannes is in his office getting a massage from Adrianna when Renee and Eliza.) Eliza: What the hell was that? Lannes: Uh…what? Eliza: Those Samba Girls! They attacked us! Lannes: Were they naked? Renee: No. What does that matter? Lannes: Nothing. Um…what do you want me to do about it? Eliza: We want them in a match…next week! Lannes: Great idea! But I thought you two hated each other. Renee: Water under the bridge! We’re friends again! We have a new threat to go after! Eliza: Those scurvy Brazilians! (They leave.) Lannes: Well, best of luck to yo… (Just then, the girl from earlier barges in.) Girl: I would like to join GCW! Lannes: Who are you? Girl: They call me Desdemona. My boyfriend works here. Lannes: Who’s that? Desdemona: Abraham! (Lannes laughs.) Desdemona: Why are you laughing? Lannes: He’s gay! Desdemona: Don’t believe that front! One night with me, and he’ll be back to being straight in no time. (Chloe Madison walks into the room to complain about something.) Desdemona: Excuse me! Who do you think you are, you skank? Don’t you see I’m talking with the Commissioner? Chloe: Excuse me! Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chloe Madison! I’m a celebutante! Nobody talks to me that way! Desdemona: You, you’re a stick women! I bet you don’t have shit to match with me and boyfriend Abraham. He’d beat your boyfriend in a second! Chloe: Oh, really? Well, I don’t have “boyfriend” because I’m Chloe Madison! I am with whoever I want to be! But, since you’re so insistent, how about your little “Abraham” meet up with bodyguard and GCW World Champion Nera next week? And, hell, let’s put the belt on the line! Is that okay with you, Lannes? Lannes: Hey, that’s cool! Desdemona: I have to go tell Abraham! (to Chloe.) I’ll see you next week, bitch! (walks off.) Chloe: Who the heck was that? Lannes: I don’t know… Chloe: I have a problem. Lannes: (under his breath.) Do you ever not? Chloe: What was that? Lannes: Nothing. Chloe: I was reading the paper, and it says that GCW is being bought out by the Chinese! And I am hear to tell you that my league will not be owned by a bunch of dog eaters! I have seen what they have done to Tibet! I will not let that happen to GCW! My GCW! Lannes: Chloe, don’t worry. GCW is most certainly not being bought out. The rumors are ludicrous! GCW is just negotiating with the Chinese over broadcasting rights in their country. We’ve got a lot of Asians in our league, and the Chinese are interested in investing. Chloe: Good, because I was hearing otherwise. I was hearing that (pulls out paper.) This bitch was buying GCW. Lannes: Let me see that… (reads.) Jen Yuen Li is one of the most youngest and most successful entrepreneurs in China. She has recently moved to Los Angeles, and looks to expand her already large cadre of holdings. It is rumored that she looks to add wrestling league GCW to these holdings. GCW is… Chloe: I don’t want her owning this wrestling league! Lannes: Why not? Chloe: I saw that bitch at a party a few weeks ago! All hobnobbing with a bunch of superstars from Hollywood! That bitch was taking my action, so I went over to her and told her what I felt about her. I told her that I’m Chloe Madison, and that I am the alpha female around these parts. Everyone answers to me. And she has the audacity to laugh off my threats! She said that she could buy me like China bought America. I was appalled! I don’t want GCW to pull a George Bush! Lannes: Don’t worry, Chloe. There’s absolutely nothing to worry about. Like she would buy a league like GCW. It’s preposterous! (The shot cuts back to the ring, where Scott Liarman & Aisha Jordan are standing.) Liarman: What’s up all you booty shakers? (The crowd cheers as the sound of various drums and noisemakers are heard in the background.) Scott Liarman in the house! (More cheering.) First off, Aisha, (slaps her on the ass.) go play on the beach. Man talk. (Aisha leaves.)And now, it’s time to announce my two partners for tonight’s Brazilian rules match. I have seen what the Invisible Kidd and (with a scowl.) Jasper Faust are doing and I don’t like it. One man can’t handle things anymore, so I have went out and found two more men to add to my organization. First off, I would like to introduce a man who is near and dear to my heart. He’s a man who is a lot like me, and, when I saw he was available, I had to snap him up. So, without further ado, I introduce to you my first partner of the night…Sexy Mann! (I’m Too Sexy blares up as Sexy Man steps out onto the aisle. He’s flanked by two scantily clad babes and is welcomed with cheers by the crowd. He steps into the ring, and talks.) Sexy: Hey, Scott. I’m sorry for being a little late to the arena. I was held up at customs. I was walking off the plane, and a customs official came up to me. Hey said, Sexy, you can’t enter Brazil….you’re too sexy for this country! And, hey, I had to agree with him. (boos.) But I have a job to do, which is why tonight, I’m with the only man who might be sexier than me, Scott Liarman! Scott: Thanks Sexy, and next up, I thought long and hard about my next partner. I was looking for a henchmen. A big guy to strike fear in the hearts of his opponents. My Odd job, my Red Grant, my Tee Hee Johnson! That is why I introduce to you, from the untamed jungle of Gabon…Bastien Mambo! (Mambo walks out to the ring, showing off his punching prowess to the crowd. He steps into the ring, and it looks like we’ll soon be ready for action.) Brazilian rules: Scott Liarman, Sexy Mann, & Bastien Mambo vs. the Invisible Kidd, Shinobu Kashima, & Jasper Faust This match was held under Brazilian rules, which Ron Chafford was expected to keep. Ron, wearing a soccer referee’s uniform, looked to inform the wrestlers of the rules in the early going. Not much really went on in the early going with both teams feeling each other out. Mambo dominated his opponents with sledge hammer like punches in the early going. The face team managed to turn things around with good team work, but some well-placed cheating managed to give the bad guys the advantage. It started to all break down when Scott Liarman decided to choke Kashima for the five count, causing Ron Chafford to give him a yellow card! The crowd was delighted, and Liarman was appalled. He began to argue with Chafford, leading to Kashima tagging into Faust. We start from there: Laurence: Faust is unloading on all three of these guys! Body slam onto Mambo! Sexy Man charges him, but Faust just tosses him. Faust is dancing around, and the crowd is going crazy. He sees Liarman, and kicks him in the ass! Liarman rolls out of the ring, as Aisha is helping her man on the outside. Tia: He appears to have some sort of booty injury. You can’t touch the assets! Laurence: Wait a minute! Mambo has slid into the ring…CHAIR SHOT ONTO FAUST! Crowd: Boo!!!! Laurence: Chafford sees it! Tia: Uh oh! Laurence: Chafford looks right at him…RED CARD!!!! (The crowd goes wild.) Nace: Where the hell, bro? I’m American, I don’t follow soccer. Laurence: Mambo has been sent off! Tia: Mambo is trying to argue his case as Liarman braves it all and starts arguing as well. Laurence: Chafford’s telling him to get the hell out of the ring! Nace: This isn’t very fair, bro! Laurence: Neither is hitting a man with a chair, but Mambo did it anyway! Tia: Mambo is leaving the premises now, as Sexy Mann covers, 1.………2.….FAUST IS UP! Laurence: Sexy and Liarman rush him, but Faust is beating off both men! Tia: LOW BLOW BY LIARMAN! Laurence: RED CARD BY CHAFFORD!!!! Tia: Liarman’s fucking pissed! Laurence: He’s arguing the call….AND CHAFFORD JUST SUSPENDED FROM THE NEXT SHOW! The crowd is going crazy, and Liarman is livid! He can’t believe it! Tia: DOUBLE TEAM POWER BOMB BY FAUST AND KASHIMA ONTO SEXY MANN! Laurence: Invisible Kidd goes up….FROG SPLASH! He covers, 1.…..2.…..3!!!! Tia: They get the victory! Mike Pizzazz is sunbathing before his big match for the title. He decides to do an interview with GCW‘s roving reporter. He talks about how tonight he is taking the title from Nera, and then he’s taking Chloe around Rio for a nightcap. He knows that she wants to be with him, and he’ll be happy to oblige. Outback Bob vs. Abraham Quick squash here with Bob winning in about 5 minutes with the Outback Breaker. After the match, two mysterious men rushed in and attacked Outback Bob! It wasn’t long before the men were revealed to be Porterhouse Pete and Smokehouse Sam, two dastardly hombres, who are out for revenge against Outback Bob. They looked to finish Bob, until Steakhouse Bob made his GCW return and ran off the two! They shook their fists in Bob’s direction while he helped up his cousin. You won’t be seeing much in the way of technical wrestling when these hombres meet in the ring! Blue Tornado + Alyssa vs. Chloe Madison + Chainz This was basically a comedy match. The end came when Chainz accidentally tagged Chloe into the ring. Chloe tried “wrestling” but it had no effect on Alyssa, who attacked Chloe. This caused Chloe to run, tag in Chainz, and get the heck out of there! The rest of the match was fairly academic as Tornado finished Chainz with the Tornado DDT for the victory. GCW Title: Nera ©(with Chloe Madison) vs. Mike Pizzazz Fairly even main event match here with both wrestlers going at it, but being unable to gain the advantage for a long period. At the 12 minute mark, Nera took control, thanks to interference from Chloe Madison. This led to Nera throwing everything he had at Pizzazz for the next five minute, but being unable to put away the resilient Pizzazz. It wasn’t long before Pizzazz rallied back and took the advantage. Unfortunately, a missed move by Pizzazz left the referee unconscious. The match would soon break down, and we’re start at that point: Laurence: HERE COMES CHAINZ AND BERSERKER! Tia: Pizzazz looks ready to brawl with both of them Nace: Excuse me, bro. Need to do my duty. Laurence: Nace is in the ring now, and he just grabs Chainz and tosses his ass to the outside. Berserker charges Pizzazz, but he gets the same treatment. Nace has the sun glasses on, and he’s taunting Chainz! He wants him to get his ass back into this ring! Tia: He doesn’t notice someone behind him! Laurence: IT’S CHRIS SCHMITT! And Schmitty just nails Nace. Nace isn’t backing down. HE’S GOING RIGHT AT CHRIS SCHMITT! The crowd is going nuts as this brawl goes to the outside of the ring! In the ring, Pizzazz turns around….BIG SPEAR BY MASTADON! DAMMIT! Nera gets the cover, but there’s no referee! Crowd: Cheers wildly. Laurence: BLUE TORNADO IS HERE! He is going right at Mastadon!!!!! Tia: Chloe can’t believe what’s happening! This wasn’t how it was supposed to go! Laurence: Nace and Schmitt are also brawling inside the ring, the crowd doesn’t know what’s going on! Wait a minute! Who’s that coming out to the ring? The Icemen! Tia: What are they doing out here? Laurence: They are attacking Nace! This is a good old boy network at its worst! They toss onto the sand, and begin to beat him down! Somebody stop this! Dammit! Anybody! (Some generic rock tune blares up, and the crowd isn’t sure what to do.) Laurence: I recognize that tune! It can’t be him! IT CAN’T BE! HE CAN’T BE HERE IN GCW!!!! Tia: NO! NO! NO! NOT HIM! Laurence: IT’S ACE! (The crowd sounds like they’re having an orgasm.) Tia: Bangs head on table….no! No! NO!!!! DAMMIT! NOT ACE! Laurence: Chloe Madison is demanding that the Dogs of War stop Ace! Chainz and Berserker are running at Ace. Tia: Oh no! Laurence: ACE CRUSHER FOR CHAINZ! AND ANOTHER FOR BERSERKER! THE CROWD IS ON THEIR FEET! Laurence: ACE IS IN THE RING NOW, AND HE’S CLEANING HOUSE! He taps Wolf Bravies on the shoulder. Wolf turns around….ACE CRUSHER!!!! Davidson charges….AN ACE CRUSHER FOR HIM, TOO! Blue Tornado…ACE CRUSHER! He grabs Mastadon….AND ANOTHER ACE CRUSHER! Tia: This is madness! Tia: Chris Schmitt is appalled. He’s here to put a stop to this kind of tomfoolery. Schmitt: I’m Chris Schmitt…from Kansas! You can’t do that shit to me! Ace: Oh yes, I can. Laurence: ACE CRUSHER! Crowd: ACE! ACE! ACE! Laurence: Nace is getting back up now, and he turns around. He sees Ace! The crowd is on their edge of their seats! These two legends of the business are squaring off face to face in the middle of the ring! Nace reaches into his pocket, and he, he…PUTS ON THE SUNGLASSES AND SMILES! The crowd is going nuts! He is taunting Ace, telling him to make his move. Ace just smiles…and he…he….PUTS ON SUNGLASSES!!!! The crowd can’t believe it! I can’t believe it! Nace! Ace! What a tag team! What a partnership! Tia: WHAT AN ACE CRUSHER TO NACE!!!!! Laurence: I can’t believe it! ACE JUST HIT NACE WITH THE ACE CRUSHER! NACE IS DOWN! NACE IS DOWN! Ace has just cleared the entire ring of EVERYBODY! And now, he’s the new enforcer?!? Tia: Well, after what he just did, I wouldn’t want to screw with him! Laurence: Mike Pizzazz has fought back to his feet now! He has Nera in his grasp….BIG TIME BODY SLAM BY PIZZAZZ! The crowd is going wild! They can feel it! HE IS GOING FOR THE OUT CLAUSE! Tia: BUT CHLOE MADISON INTERFERES!!!! Laurence: She’s the last line of defense! All of her men, and basically every main eventer we got is laid out around the ring! Tia: Ace is looking at her! Laurence: The crowd is going crazy! They want to see Ace give her the what for! Ace just looks at her. He’s going to do it! He’s going to…Wait a minute! What is this? Tia: She is offering him millions! That’s right! Chloe Madison is going to buy Ace Pickard! Laurence: DON’T DO IT, ACE! YOU CAN’T DO IT! He’s not sure what to do! HE looks around the ring, and the look at Chloe, and HE SMILES! AND PUTS OUT HIS HAND!!! OH NO! Tia: YES! YES! HE’S JOINING MADISON ENTERPRISES! Laurence: They’re shaking hands now! I can’t believe this! Tia: THIS IS GREAT DAY TO BE CHLOE MADISON! WHAT A GREAT ACQUISITION! WITH ACE IN THE FOLD… Laurence: ACE CRUSHER ONTO CHLOE MADISON!!!!! Tia: DAMMIT!!!! NO!!!!! NO!!!! Laurence: The crowd is singing in Portuguese…about Ace Pickard! Tia: I never thought I would see the day! Fuckin Ace! Laurence: CHLOE IS DOWN! CHLOE IS DOWN! Tia: CHLOE! CHAINZ! MASTADON! ANYBODY! SAVE THE TITLE! Laurence: Pizzazz has Nera now….OUT CLAUSE! HE’S LOCKED IN THE OUT CLAUSE! Tia: THERE’S NO REF! HE CAN’T WIN WITHOUT A REF! MADISON ENTERPRISES IS SAVED! Laurence: IT’S RON CHAFFORD! IN A REF SHIRT!! Tia: NO! NO! Laurence: NERA SUBMITS! NERA SUBMITS! MIKE PIZZAZZ IS THE NEW CHAMPION! THE CROWD CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!! Tia: NO! NO! I have to console Chloe! DAMMIT, NO! NOT THIS WAY! NOT THIS WAY!!!! Laurence: Chafford raises his arm in victory, and gives him the title! WHAT A MOMENT FOR MIKE PIZZAZZ! He is going around the turnbuckles raising the title with pride. In the center of the ring, Chloe is laying there, crying. She can’t believe that the title is no longer hers. She is crawling to get out of the ring, when she sees something in the distance. Tia: It appears to be two muscular Chinese men with moustaches, and some woman in a veil. Who the heck are they? Laurence: They appear to be very happy with the events unfolding in the ring! They are leaving the ring area now, but who are they? And what connection do they have to Chloe Madison? What does this all mean? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!? End of show. |